Just wait till father dies – Tol’dot
It is eerie to hear the threats Esau utters when he discovers Jacob has deceived him to gain the blessing: “Esau said in his heart, ‘Just wait for the days of mourning for my father and I will kill my brother Jacob’” (Gen. 27:41).
Well, you might say, at least Esau has enough kibbud av to postpone his vengeance upon his brother. But the problem is universal. There was never a time when people didn’t made plans, not all admirable, as to what will happen when their parents are dead: “When they have gone, I’ll really let my brother – or sister, or other relative – have it…” “When they have gone, that’s the end of going to shule, coming to Seder…” The possibilities are endless. Those who harbour these feelings are otherwise decent people, but an obsession is eating them up.
Even more tragic is the thought that the sooner a parent dies the better. Naturally, most parents are not prepared to co-operate and intend to stay alive regardless. Of course a complicating factor is the yerushah: how often we hear, “My children can’t wait to get their hands on my money…” How does a parent feel to be regarded as standing in the way of the future? To think they (and their children) are only marking time?
The fact is that decisions in such matters are made by God, and in the meantime each of us has a chezkat chayyim, a valid hold on life. Even those who feel tired and get little fun out of life have no reason to find no value in living.
If you can see, you can marvel at the sunrise. If you can hear, you can enjoy the chirping of the birds. If you can walk, you can go and do good deeds. If you can think, you can find meaning in memory. If you can speak, you can encourage others. If you can write, you can record your story. If you have assets, you can give while you’re still alive. If you have skills, you can be busy to your last day. If you don’t fit into any of these categories, you can find one for youself. Whatever you do, don’t give up on life.
And if you’re the son or daughter of an elderly parent, get on with your own life… and honour your parents in life and after death, and try to forget the threats you uttered at a moment of heat.
