OzTorah

It is eerie to hear the threats Esau utters when he discovers Jacob has deceived him to gain the blessing: “Esau said in his heart, ‘Just wait for the days of mourning for my father and I will kill my brother Jacob’” (Gen. 27:41).

Well, you might say, at least Esau has enough kibbud av to postpone his vengeance upon his brother. But the problem is universal. There was never a time when people didn’t make plans, not all admirable, as to what will happen when their parents are dead: “When they have gone, I’ll really let my brother – or sister, or other relative – have it…” “When they have gone, that’s the end of going to shule, coming to Seder…” The possibilities are endless.

Those who harbour these feelings are otherwise decent people, but an obsession is eating them up.

Even more tragic is the thought that the sooner a parent dies the better. Naturally, most parents are not prepared to co-operate and intend to stay alive regardless.

Of course a complicating factor is the yerushah: how often we hear, “My children can’t wait to get their hands on my money…” How does a parent feel to be regarded as standing in the way of the future? To think they (and their children) are only marking time?

The fact is that decisions in such matters are made by God, and in the meantime each of us has a chezkat chayyim, a valid hold on life. Even those who feel tired and get little fun out of life have no reason to find no value in living.

If you can see, you can marvel at the sunrise. If you can hear, you can enjoy the chirping of the birds. If you can walk, you can go and do good deeds. If you can think, you can find meaning in memory. If you can speak, you can encourage others. If you can write, you can record your story. If you have assets, you can give while you’re still alive. If you have skills, you can be busy to your last day. If you don’t fit into any of these categories, you can find one for yourself. Whatever you do, don’t give up on life.

And if you’re the son or daughter of an elderly parent, get on with your own life… and honour your parents in life and after death, and try to forget the threats you uttered at a moment of heat.

The name Birthright has a contemporary significance.

The Birthright Program is taking hundreds of young Jews every year to enable them to experience Israel and its people and many of the ideas and values which go with being Jewish.

It is a wonderful project and is already having a constructive effect on Jewish life in the Diaspora.

Presumably someone in Israel will realise before long that Israelis too can benefit from a closer acquaintance with their Jewish birthright.

The sidra speaks of Esau as despising his birthright but our problem today is not people who despise their Jewish heritage but those who are basically unaware of its richness, colour and inspiration.

Whose fault is it? Can it be the people who do not know? What right have we to blame anyone who has never been taught? Can the fault lie with those who could and should have taught but failed in their responsibility? Possibly, but who are they?

Some would say that the blame lies with the tzaddik in peltz, “the pious person with the fur coat” – an allusion to the person who says, “I’m warm. I have a coat. If you are cold, it’s not my problem!”

Others suggest that outreach work requires special skills and some people simply cannot cope with the responsibility.

All very true, but there is a further category who cannot be absolved from blame, those parents who do not so much despise their birthright as give their children such a materialistic perception of life that any idealism they might have had is squashed and frustrated.

Q. How can Judaism say the universe is 5787 years old when science proves that dinosaurs lived long before this?

A. There is a widespread view that science and religion are eternal enemies. However, the scientists themselves don’t think so.

One scientist after another has pointed to the incredible orderliness of the universe and confirmed that only because the universe is one and orderly – a fundamental teaching of religion – is it possible for science to operate.

Albert Einstein said that, given time, science will be able to understand every aspect of the universe. He went so far as to say, “The incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is so comprehensible”.

I can’t speak for other religions, but Judaism has no problem with these assertions, though the task of Judaism is to teach spirituality and ethics, not to purport to be a science text book.

The exact date that the elements of the physical world began is not known, nor could it be. When our tradition uses figures like 5787 some people think it refers not to the physical universe but to the history of human civilisation.

The Bible itself does not attempt to give a date for any of these events. Chronology is not spelled out in the early chapters of the Torah, and indeed the art of chronology only developed later.

The idea that this year is 5787 is not a principle of belief (the dating of the years only began in the 9th century) and there is no doctrinal error in rejecting or amending it.

How long ago the dinosaurs appeared on the earth has nothing to do with being a believer.

Q. Is it true that two brothers may not be called to the Torah one after the other?

A. Yes. The same applies to a father and son, and according to some even a grandfather and grandson.

The usual explanation is that this is to prevent the evil eye of malice on the part of envious fellow congregants. There may also be some link with the rule that close relatives may not give testimony together in a Jewish court.

The prohibition applies only if the two people are called to the reading of the same Torah scroll without any liturgical intermission. Father and son would, therefore, be able to be called up respectively as Acharon and Maftir because Kaddish comes between the two portions. They can certainly be Chatan Torah and Chatan B’reshit on Simchat Torah.

He sends Eliezer back to the family’s homeland in order to find a suitable wife for Isaac, showing the importance of choosing a partner from one’s own people.

Eliezer chooses Rebekah for her gentleness and kindness, indicating that it is not just good looks but good character that one should look for in a wife or husband.

Rebekah is asked whether she wants to marry Eliezer’s master’s son; marriage is too important to be foisted on anyone without their consent.

Why is it the man who takes the initiative to find the woman?

The sages say (Kidd. 20a) that because Adam’s rib was taken in order to create Eve, a man goes in due course “to find the lost treasure: the treasure does not go looking for him”. Hence the choice of Rebekah is the discovery of the soul-mate destined for Isaac from the time of creation.

The first steps in making the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah are rational; next comes the emotional thrill of seeing the dream come true.

As Eliezer and Rebekah approach home, Isaac is out in the field – meditating, according to the text; praying, in the view of the sages – and Rebekah sees him and the rest is history.

But the Torah text is careful not to say that they fall in love and then marry. Instead, it tells us that Isaac marries her and (thereafter) he loves her.

Their life together has its moments of tension, but they love each other to the end. In that respect it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

Euripides remarked, “Marry and, with luck, it may go well. But when a marriage fails, then those who marry live in hell”…

Marriage can be wedlock, a couple happy in a world of their own – or a padlock, where they feel they are chained and imprisoned, and only want out.

Much depends on whether the couple decide to make marriage a lifetime career, with a commitment to remain in the marriage and work it out if problems arise.